Red Hook Lobster Pound

  

I try not to fall into food hype. I left the pizza in a cone to the culinary hype beast and the assholes with Yelp accounts. Lobster rolls had fallen into the hype category for me. For months on end, I’d walk clear past the long lines for Luke’s Lobsters’ storefronts and trucks with a grin on my face, quietly whispering “what a bunch of cunt muscles these people are waiting online for bullshit". But one day, on my way back from Ikea, I became one of those cunt muscles, minus the long line. I came across the Red Hook Lobster Pound on my way home.

Red Hook Lobster Pound is located on Van Brunt Street and is actually a lobster purveyor that just happens to serve lobster rolls. A good sign; you know it’s fresh. As you walk in there are two huge lobster tanks concealed with wooden counter tops. The menu, listed on a chalk board, consists of two types of lobster rolls: a Maine lobster roll and a Connecticut-style lobster roll. For some odd reason, I decided to go with a Connecticut lobster roll. I don’t know why. I hate that retched state. The only good thing about Connecticut are the strip clubs. The lobster roll came with a bag of Cape Cod chips and a bottle of Maine Root Soda, Mandarin flavored($3). The guy who made my lobster roll directed me to a seating area next door. 

  

The Connecticut lobster roll ($16): Chunks of tail and claw lobster meat served on a buttery toasted bun and topped with old bay spice, and what I think were green scallions. Now, I know you’re saying to yourself, “this idiot doesn’t remember if they were green scallions.” Well, you have obliviously never waited on the return line at Ikea. Anyway, a buttery crunchy bun stuffed with what I think was perfectly cooked pieces of tender, sweet lobster tail and claw meat. I know there is some kind of ratio of tail-to-claw meat that gets the sweetness of the meat to mix to get a nice balance with the old bay seasoning The old bay seasoning was a little heavy masking the sweetness of the lobster at times. Either way, it was still lobster and it was good. But then again, you can deep fry dog shit and it would be good, too. 

I guess I solved my curiosity about lobster rolls. On the scale of over-hype, ranging from 1-10, lobster rolls get a 15. I’m not going to lie to you; this was my first lobster roll. Maybe I’m missing something, but when you deconstruct this meal, it’s just a simple dish with a heavy price tag. I mean, even my a-hole ex-girlfriend can make a lobster roll and that bitch used to cook eggs in the microwave.

Red Hook Lobster Pound

284 Van Brunt Street  Brooklyn, NY 11231

(646) 326-7650

www.redhooklobsterpound.com