Flex Mussels

I would say that 75% of the time I find a new restaurant, it's through word of mouth. When I say word of mouth I don't mean the fucksticks on Yelp. It's always a recommendation I get from someone I respect in the food game. Once in a while I will take a recommendation from a girl I am dating, just to see if they're wifey material (and probably because I haven't hit the poom-poom yet.) My latest had recommended a place called "Flex Mussels" 

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate gimmicky restaurants with gimmicky names, and unless I'm missing something "Flex Mussels" is as gimmicky as it gets. The things I do for a pretty face. My date and I headed to their Chelsea location, right off of 6th avenue. I noticed and hoped for outside seating but was whisked past a bar / oyster shucking station to a cramped corner in the back of the restaurant.

A quick skim of the menu and this is what we ordered :

The Mexican ($21.50) Chipotle, adobo, chorizo, calamari. This Mexican should be deported. The chorizo wasn't spicy, the calamari was tasteless and rubbery, the broth tasted like this was the pot in which the homeless guy washed his socks and soiled underwear.

Thai mussel ($21.50) Curry, coconut broth, lemongrass, kaffir lime, coriander, lime, ginger, garlic.  When I imagine a bowl of mussels , I see a big heaping pot filled to the top with all kinds of fresh herbs, etc. What I got was a large bowl which looked liked a homeless man just finished shitting into was placed in front of me with barely any mussels, don't let the picture fool you. As I shook my head at this sorry poor presentation,  I began to think as to why can't I smell any curry? Oh that's right, because my broth was watered down and had barely any taste.

 

Truffle Fries ($11) Pre-cut french fries that turned soggy within about 8 seconds of hitting our table. There was enough salt on these fries to start another ocean on another planet. They should have paid me $11 for eating this soggy dogshit

Donuts ($10) A donut  with your choice of filling, we went with caramel and a peanut butter and jelly donut. The donut was pretty good, light and tasty but the peanut-butter tasted like it was Key Food brand. 

I have to say, my experience at Flex Mussels was awful. Not only was the food bad but the service was horrible. My date and I watched as two other tables were seated about 15 minutes after us, and got their food before us. No complimentary drinks, nothing taken off the tab, not even apology. Another thing about this place is the way they plate their food. I got a pound of mussels in a 5 quart pot. I felt like I was scraping the bottom of someone else's dinner. A bag of mussels costs what? $4-$5 a bag? When I'm paying a premium for my dinner, I expect everything to be top notch. I usually like to get kissed before I get fucked.

Flex Mussels

154 W 13th St New York
(212) 229-0222

flexmusselsny.com