I found my self in the Flat Iron district one day, hungry . I wanted a burger so of course, shake shack came to mind first. Upon ar...

  
   I found my self in the Flat Iron district one day, hungry. I wanted a burger so of course, shake shack came to mind first. Upon arriving at Madison Square Park, though, I saw a line zigzagging through the park. No fucking way was I waiting on line for an hour with these fuck sticks. Shake Shack is good, but it’s not wait-on-line-with-a-bunch-of-fucktards-for-a-burger-and-fries good. As I walked away in disgust, I saw a big yellow truck with a cartoon steer on it. It was the Frites and Meats truck. They made burgers, they made fries and there was just one hipster waiting on line ahead of me. This is where I was eating.

The menu has a build-your-burger option, which I prefer because I like to control my meat, just like in real life. I decided to go with a Waguy burger topped with cheddar on a potato roll, and an order of fries and a coke. As I was going to order the dude bros on the truck asked me if I wanted to try their bottle rocket burger, at least that’s what I think they said. It was a special burger they made to promote the opening of a wine shop a few stores down. I said sure, but I fucked up. I like to try what’s on the menu so that later, whomever reads this review says ‘that dick head Dave at Devour said this burger is good, maybe I’ll try it, fuck it’.


Bottle rocket burger : Wagyu beef, marinated in red wine, garlic and rosemary. (Oh, you fancy huh...) Topped with cheddar, raw onion, tomato, pickle, mesclun greens, ketchup and mayo on a potato onion roll that’s baked by Balthazar. My first bite squirted juices further than a porn star in heat. As I chewed the taste of Red wine and garlic started to subtley appear. Now, I never had a burger marinated in wine and garlic, but who ever idea this was, I'd like to give you a hug. 


The Fries : Belgian style fries served in a red and white cone. The fries were perfectly seasoned with little hints of salt. Although the fries tasted like they had a batter on them, I guess to make them crispier but not to the point where they felt like you were chewing on wet sandpaper.



Finally, after months of looking for a good burger, Frites and Meats finally satisfied my craving. Now that I think of it, I would like to thank all the dick heads who waited on line for Shake Shack that day. If it wasn’t for them, I would have never discovered Frites and Meats, my go-to spot for a great burger. 

Frites 'N' Meats
http://www.fritesnmeats.com

   M y friends and I went out to support a friend DJ’ing at Bar Basque. I don’t know what the fuck was going on that night but I felt like ...

   My friends and I went out to support a friend DJ’ing at Bar Basque. I don’t know what the fuck was going on that night but I felt like I was in the middle of an episode of Jersey Shore, and not any of the episodes when they’re in Italy. This had to be the ugliest group of motherfuckers I’ve ever seen. It looked like the henchman line up from a Dick Tracey movie. My friend hadn't gone on yet and the DJ at the moment seemed to be playing music from a 16 year old iTunes play list, I felt had to medicate my momentary depression with vodka, lots of it. As the night went on the perfect storm was brewing. The mixture of vodka on the rocks and ugly girls with high self-esteem was making me hungry. I needed something to soak up this alcohol and that something was food from NY Noodletown in Chinatown.

Located on the corner of Bayard and Bowery, a big white sign glows against roasted meat hanging in the window. I’ve been to NY Noodletown once, after a late-night booty call, and luckily we only waited 10 minutes. This time we got a table right away but, as the night went on, the place filled up quickly. By the time we left, there was a line out the door.My friends and I decided to share a few small plates. A shrimp roll, an order of roasted duck lo mein, some roast pork and two soups with roast pork. Not only do I like to pork, but I like to eat it as well.

The Shrimp Roll: shrimp rolled into a batter and deep fried. Eh, nothing special.


The Duck Lo Mein: I suggested to my friend that we get the chow fun but he told me he was going to leave me on the Manhattan Bridge in my high top dunks if we didn’t get the duck lo mein. Roasted duck, served on what looked like Jewish egg noodles my mom used to put in her chicken soup. The duck was a little fatty but perfectly roasted. I can tell you one thing, I would not lose any sleep over this dish.


The Roast Pork: Sliced into long shreds and glazed like a donut. Bite after bite, the succulent pieces of pork made me wish I was born Asian. The flavors of soy, ginger, garlic and sesame had me eating until the point of where you would have to get a tow truck to bring me home.


The Soup: Chinatown style soup served in a huge white and blue bowl with a soup spoon and chopped sticks. A salty, sweet and meaty broth, served with shrimp dumplings that were so tender, had me whispering sweet nothings in it's ears. Long noodles that seemed to be the same as the ones in the lo mein, and topped with roast pork. I never order soup, simply because it’s not a meal, even if Jerry Seinfeld says it is. But I’d probably give up a steak dinner for this soup. Probably.


New York City is known for two things: being the city that never sleeps and being the culinary Mecca of food. With tons of late-night choice eats, NY Noodletown is the place to be, whether you need something to eat after an alcohol infused night or maybe some energy after a late-night booty call. Either way, head to NY Noodletown on the re-up.


Great N.Y. Noodletown
28 Bowery New York, NY 10013-5102
(212) 349-0923




Something weird was going on at the San Gennaro feast this year. Along with mom and pop vendors slinging sausage and pepper sandwiches, frie...

Something weird was going on at the San Gennaro feast this year. Along with mom and pop vendors slinging sausage and pepper sandwiches, fried Oreo's, and annoying carneys trying to milk you out of every dollar you have by getting you to throw a ball into a basket; the heavy hitters of the New York City restaurant scene had opened their own stands. Restaurants such as Torrisi, The Breslin, L'Artusi's. Here are some of my favorite new school and old school feast dishes.


Braciole Sliders From Rubirosa



BBQ Asian ribs from Torrisi 


 
Chinese Nacho's from Torrisi





I wouldn't be able to respect myself if I came to the San Gennaro feast and not get some old school dishes. 

                                                  
 
Fried Calamari and shrimp Combo from Umberto's


Sausage and peppers sandwich from Lucy's





The End.







The San Gennaro Feast 
Mulberry Street, New York NY
September 15, through Sunday, September 25, 2011

  I’m iffy when it comes to Italian food. Growing up in south Brooklyn, I got accustom to my local Italian joints and for me to leave out o...

 

I’m iffy when it comes to Italian food. Growing up in south Brooklyn, I got accustom to my local Italian joints and for me to leave out of my realm is difficult. A friend of mine would constantly bother harass me about going to this place Ferdinando's Focacceria located in downtown Brooklyn. But he's a shithead and I never listen to him.  One day he suggested we should go to a place called Jakes. A B.B.Q joint that is conventionally located right around the corner from Ferdinando's . Upon arrival to Jake's we noticed a sign saying "closed for vacation". Clever. He's lucky I didn't punch him in the dick. So after much obscene name calling, we walked over to Ferdinando's

Located on Union Street, most people will recognize the entrance of Ferdinando’s from the bar scene in the movie The Departed. But instead of Irish gangsters, the room was filled with secondary yuppies. You know, the type who are too cheap to live in Manhattan and say “fuck it, Brooklyn is cool.” The room is 100% old school: dimly lit, wooden tables and chairs, exposed brick walls and a sign out front spelling “Ferdinando’s Restaurant” in gold lettering. We opted to sit outside because it was a beautiful summer evening and I was trying to soak up as much of the summer as I could.

As I scanned the menu, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary - a few pasta dishes, some cold and hot appetizers. My friends and I decided to order the rice ball special, fried calamari and a pasta dish called Pappardelle alla Boscaiola. 


As our entrees came out, some bread came out with a plate which olive oil was poured into. Which was a good sign, if they brought it to the table first.

The Calamari : The Calamari was decent, definitely not out of the bag type. Tender pieces of lightly dusted, lightly fried calamari, served with a homemade sauce that would put any Italian grandmother to shame. 


The Rice Ball Special : A huge rice ball stuffed with ground beef and peas, served with the house special red sauce, and topped with mozzarella and fresh ricotta cheese. I was actually disappointed with this dish. The rice ball was cold and had a stale taste to it. What’s worse is the mozzarella wasn’t fresh. Come on! Fresh mozzarella comes with the place! 


Pappardelle alla Boscaiola : The menu described this dish as hand-cut pasta, fried with eggplant, sun-dried tomatoes and mushrooms. Yeah, the pasta was hand-cut; about 10 years ago. It was cooked well, though, and the dish had a homey taste, as if your mother made it. Well, not my mother; she’s a terrible cook. Thank g-d for my father. If it wasn’t for his cooking skills, I’d be the type of asshole who makes eggs in the microwave. 


My mouth was full of the savory so I opted for something sweet. As soon as our extremely vulgar waitress returned I asked what kind of desserts they had, and before she could finish, I said canoli.

The Canoli : I was told it was a house made canoli. I'm pretty sure it was made in someone else's house. A heavy sweet cream stuffed in a hard canoli. The cream was cool, dense and sweet, perfection. The canoli shell was soggier than a new york city cab drivers ass in august. Fail.


 The bill came to $100 for 3 people, including the tip. Would I return Ferdinando’s? Probably not. If you’re looking for nostalgic places to eat in Brooklyn, and don’t expect anything more, check-out Ferdinando’s.  



Ferdinando's Focacceria
151 Union Street Brooklyn, NY
(718) 855-1545

T here are three things I look forward to in life: sleep, sex and Meatopia. As you read in my last posting, Meatopia is a BBQ event and ...



There are three things I look forward to in life: sleep, sex and Meatopia. As you read in my last posting, Meatopia is a BBQ event and was held recently at Brooklyn Bridge Park. Put together by Josh Ozersky, it featured 48 Chefs from around the country.

It was hot as balls outside that day, but I was down for what was trending on twitter as a “meatwave”. After sampling about 15-20 tasting dishes, below are my top three.

The Meatball Shop: Spicy Lamb Sloppy Joe. After busting their balls about a new competitor, The Meatball Factory, I got to chow down on what was the best sloppy joe I’ve had in years. Chopped up lamb, in a tangy and sweet tomato sauce, served on a fresh baked bun.


The Breslin: Mule foot hog served pulled-pork style and topped with a smoky, yet sweet, BBQ sauce on a potato bun. Some fresh coleslaw on the side was perfect enough to cool me off. While eating, I realized I can replace this sandwich with sex.



Osteria Morini: Spit roasted Hampshire porchetta with sage, rosemary and lemon, and served on a small baked roll. The man is a genius with pasta and has extended his talent to sandwiches.


48 Chefs churning out quality high-end food for 5 hours seems like a tease. But at the end of the event, I really couldn’t eat another bite. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t eat the next day either. I don’t know if the depression had set in because I realized I’d have to wait another 365 days for Meatopia, or because I had gained enough weight the day before to be considered the first pregnant male in existence. Either way, Meatopia, you have my heart.

Remember when your parents told you Christmas comes once a year? Well, they fucking lied to you! Christmas comes twice a year, on Decem...






Remember when your parents told you Christmas comes once a year? Well, they fucking lied to you! Christmas comes twice a year, on December 25th and, this year, on July 23rd. And the presents aren't Guy Fieri's cookbooks or Rachel Ray's knife sets. They come in the form of grilled meat. I'm talking about the greatest BBQ in NYC, Meatopia! The most anticipated BBQ event to hit Brooklyn, ever.  


I attended Meatopia last year on July 11th and I can't figure how I managed to go without it for 353 days. This year, more than 48 highly known Chefs will be in attendance at the grill. Expect notables such as Michael White of Osteria Morini , Charles Grund of Hill Country  and Eddie Huang of Bao Haus . To top it all off, Pat Lafrieda will be BBQ'ing an 850 lb steer. And they say heaven doesn't exist.


After reading this year's menu, I salivated so much that I almost shorted out my keyboard. For example, Rub will be serving double burnt pastrami ends, Need I say more? 

So whatever you're doing; weddings, birthdays, funerals - say you can't make it and meet me at Meatopia.



Meatopia
July 23rd at Pier 5 in Brooklyn 
You can Purchase tickets at www.meatopia.org 
Pictures coutresy of Ozersky.tv, Meatopia.org, Eater.com

L et me start off by saying I need new friends. One cold and wintry friday night I got a drunk dial from a friend, a male friend. Now, I...


Let me start off by saying I need new friends.

One cold and wintry friday night I got a drunk dial from a friend, a male friend. Now, I love drunk dials but preferably from girls. It usually leads to a random booty call, and random booty calls are what life is all about, right? Anyway, this dipshit went on and on about how he popped bottles with models at Provocateur and how I missed out on all the fun. HA! Like I'd be caught dead at Provocateur on a motherfucking friday. He also went on and on about this place called POP Burger, in the meatpacking district; that it’s really good and I should try it out, the best burger I’ll ever have, etc. Before he went on, I stopped him and explained how I wished he would die in a house fire on Christmas Eve and that his parents bought him on the black market when the Soviet Union collapsed. Then I hung up the phone and tried to get back to my dream, in which Kim Kardashian was breaking up with me because I ate her cheese doodles.

Fast forward a few months and I find myself working down the block from POP Burger. They have three locations. This one was on 58th Street, between Fifth and Madison Avenues. I decided to head over for lunch and try out the burger, since my last two burger experiences sucked.

 The decor : As you walk in, you’re greeted with a lot of wood and carved walls that say burger, shakes, fries, and whatever else this architect decided to throw in while he was smoking crack. There’s some seating in the back and a high bar separating the order line from the kitchen. I was a little confused when I walked in, as the menu was not on the wall but rather on pieces of paper carelessly scattered around. So much for a green environment.


What I ordered : As I scanned the menu I started realize there were only two choices for a burger: the POP Burger and the Invisible Burger. I went with the POP Burger ($8). Only two choices of burgers at a place called pop BURGER? I think I’m in trouble here. I also ordered the tater tots ($4.75) and a can of coke ($1.75), which was warm, by the way.

The burger : In a white little box, two slider-sized burgers, topped with cheese, lettuce and tomato. Basically, two pieces of dry meat served on stale, doughy, slider buns. As you can see in the picture, more bread than buurger. Kind of funny, the last girl I met thought the same about me.

 


The tater tots : They were actually good; perfectly salted and a little crunchy on the outside, while soft on the inside. It brought me back to my high school days, when we used to cut class and go to a friend’s house, which always stocked with tater tots and a deep fryer. You gotta respect a house with its own deep fryer.



Another disappointment in my quest for a decent burger. But life lesson learned: when a drunk dial from a male friend comes through at 4am, hit the “fuck you” button and go back to arguing with Kim Kardashian about how you bought those cheese doodles last week.

POP Burger
14 East 58th Street, NY 10022 ( 3 locations in total )
www.popburger.com